Belonging

I will never forget my first ever visit to Blacktown shopping centre. It was in my first week in Australia in January 2004. One of the sisters with whom I lived offered to take me for A “window shopping”. “Hmm, I thought to myself, why would we shop for windows while there was not broken windows in the house?! But once I actually understood what it means, she led me to the third floor near Target and said: “See you here in two hours” and then she left to places she needed to go. I remember so strongly that the moment she left, I felt something I could have never replicated again:

1. I am surrounded by total strangers. There is no single person who knows me. Absolutely no one knows my name or where I am from.

2. As I have just arrived from Poland I could not communicate in English. My English was on an elementary level at that time.

3. There was no Internet or mobile phone access, therefore I did not have any means of contacting anyone should I get lost.

I can still picture myself standing there and thinking which way to go and what to see and making sure I remember how to return to the entrance of Target on time. I remember thinking – I do not belong to these surroundings; I do not have connections with people here and… I am totally alone…and …I have so much to learn.

Greeted by endless “How are you?” in every shop I entered I pondered “Dlaczego oni sie wszyscy tak interesuja jak ja sie czuje? Moze zle wygladam? And I thought: “Should I tell them the truth or just respond: I am OK?”

I bought absolutely nothing that day and returned from this shopping trip feeling quite overwhelmed by the thought of what kinds of efforts should I need to put into changing the feeling of “not belonging” into “I belong here, and I am at home”? Obviously, I was the one who had to make adjustments and make an effort, not other people around me who have stayed here before me.

As years passed by, many of those awkward feelings disappeared and were replaced by new friendships, acquaintances, parishioners and co-workers I have met in many different places in my life and ministry in Sydney and beyond.

A year after my stay in Australia, when I was visiting my family in Poland, shortly before returning to Australia I said spontaneously at some stage “It’s time for me to go home” which understandably made some of my family members upset, however I also surprised myself that I started not only to call Australia home but also felt that way.

For me – home is a place where I am in a relationship with others. The geographical surroundings might or might not be important. Home is created by love, care and daily choices of act of kindness of those with whom I live and associate with. Living in Australia home is created by knowing: “No worries, mate, she’ll be right”. (* The phrase suggests everything (she) will turn out fine in the end. This being the case, there’s no real point in worrying about anything).

Home is also created by heartaches and hardships we all go through together with people to whom we belong. Relationships show us to whom we belong to. And this belonging does not need to be limited to the bonds of blood related. Our first belonging is feeling at home in your own heart. Belonging means being able to give and receive. Belonging is also accepting the fact that others hurt us as much as we hurt them. Belonging is accepting loneliness which life brings as much as being fulfilled in our own life mission. Brene Brown, American researcher on Shame and Empathy, summarises True Belonging so beautifully: True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.

In 2021, amid global pandemic, many people feel they don’t belong. Loneliness during lockdowns and forever changing restrictions keep us more vulnerable than ever. The very same experiences strengthen the bonds with others and help us appreciate those people and places which we used to value the most.

Today, I invite you to a moment of gratitude for your circle of belonging: people, places, homes… I invite you also to a quick prayer for those who struggle and feel that they don’t belong. 

Have a good week, everyone.

Sr Grace